What Happened in the Ladies' Room
by Sara K M
Summary: At Sam and Diane's wedding, Sam makes the mistake of flirting with his ex - wife. Diane gets angry and runs off to the ladies' room. Companion piece to my latest "Wedding Drabble," but you should be able to read it by itself if you wish.


What Happened in the Ladies' Room

 **Disclaimer: I don't own** _ **Cheers.**_

Diane slammed the door to the ladies' room as loudly as she could. How could Sam flirt with his ex – wife right in front of her? Especially on their wedding day? Didn't he realize this was the day where their hearts should beat as one? Instead, her heart was boiling with anger at him. "Ahhhhhhhhhh!" she suddenly screamed, trying to vent her fury somehow. "What am I going to do with you, Sam Malone?"

A moment later, Diane looked down at the lace roses that adorned her dress and she sighed. They weren't even married twenty – four hours and things were already crumbling. And Diane felt as if her wedding dress was ridiculing her. Tears filled her eyes and before she knew it, she was sobbing a river.

She had no idea how long she stood there, mascara and tears running down her face. Perhaps it was only a couple of minutes. Perhaps it was half an hour. It could have even been several hours.

But eventually the bathroom door opened, and instead of another woman needing to use the facilities, it was Sam.

Diane scowled at him, even though tears were still dripping down her cheeks. "This is the ladies' room," she said, putting her hands on her hips. "You aren't allowed in here." Her heart boiled in anger again.

Sam shrugged, giving her that charming grin he used to get away with too many things. "So? That didn't stop me before."

"Sam, I mean it. Leave. Right now," she demanded.

He shook his head. "I'm not going to leave you when you're crying, sweetheart. I'm sorry about what I said to Deborah, okay? I just wasn't thinking." He wrapped his arms around her, and despite herself, Diane felt herself begin to relax, although tears still fell from her face.

She'd known that Sam was a huge flirt for years. Nevertheless, when they were together he never took it any further than that. But it was different when the woman in question was his ex – wife. The only other woman he'd ever made a real commitment. "But still _Deborah_ , Sam," she snapped. "I agreed to invite her because you said she didn't mean anything to you any longer!" Diane pulled away from his arms as the fury welled up inside her once again.

"She doesn't! I haven't _thought_ about Deborah since she left Boston. Nothing like all the times I've thought about you. Diane, you know I'm crazy about you. I've always been crazy about you." Sighing, Sam pulled out one of the bottles of tonic always kept in his pocket and offered it to her.

She took several sips of the water, and with that the tears stopped following. "Thank you," said Diane, her heart melting as she handed the water back to Sam. She loved it when Sam told her "I'm crazy about you"; as she knew he used that phrase as a euphemism for "I love you." Not only that but he also offered her his personal tonic bottle.

"I must admit; you can make my heart melt or boil faster than anyone else, Sam. Diane smiled him, full of love. Then she paused and glanced at the bathroom mirror. "My goodness, I appear horrendous!" Her eyes were still red and puffy, and her face was covered with black mascara. Strands of blond hair dangled in front of her face. She looked nothing like the picture – perfect bride she wanted to be.

Sam gently pulled her blonde hair out of her face and wiped off the mascara with a wet towel. Diane felt her heart expand to her entire chest at that. He could be so sweet, and what made it even more special is that she knew he never did these kinds of things for anyone else.

"I know you like to write, but I don't think you need to do so all over your face," he chuckled.

As it often was, his laughter was contagious and before Diane knew it, she was giggling.

But as he continued touching her, she began to boil in a very different, much more enjoyable way. "Oh Sam," she sighed as he replaced his hands with his perfect lips. "Why does our relationship always cause such a quick flux of emotions?" she managed to ask as he covered her face with kisses.

Instead of answering, Sam pressed his lips to Diane's and pushed his tongue inside. Suddenly all that mattered was the way that made her feel. Like she was a flower, blossoming from love and a hot, exploding volcano all at once. No one else could ever come close to that. Almost without thinking, her hands moved to his neck to undo his tie, feeling her fingers sizzle as she did so.

His hands caressed her back as he felt the zipper on her dress.

Suddenly Diane pulled away a little. "Sam, we can't do this here! It's the ladies room! It's unsanitary!

Sam sighed. "Why do you always have to do that? Get me excited and then turn everything off?" He glanced around the room for a moment. "What about the sink?"

Diane examined the sink and the counter for several moments. It _did_ appear quite clean, like it had been washed earlier today. And Sam was correct; she had a terrible habit of making him think they would make love and then telling him they couldn't. Besides, Diane's insides were burning for him, too, and she didn't want to wait anymore than he did. She jumped on the counter, a slow deliberate smile spreading to her ears.

Sam grinned and maneuvered her nylons and then underwear off and then pulled down his own pants.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

"One thing is certain, Sam," Diane laughed after they left the ladies room. "I never know what to expect with you."

Sam grinned, like his life goal was complete. "Thank you. But then, I can never seem to figure you out, either, sweetheart. Maybe that's why we work so well together. It's never boring."

Diane nodded and kissed his cheek in agreement. 


End file.
